


Into your heart I'll beat again

by moreculturelesspop



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Afterlife, Alternate Universe - Always a Different Sex, Always Female Dean Winchester, Dad Castiel, F/M, Heaven, Male Castiel/Female Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester Is The Bad Guy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-16 07:53:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29946813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moreculturelesspop/pseuds/moreculturelesspop
Summary: Sam is concerned that Deanna has created a fantasy world.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	Into your heart I'll beat again

She walks down the stairs heavy-footed. Her body aches, heavy and sore. She’s slept but her body is tired and empty. She automatically clutches her belly as she pads down the stairs, but her belly is small and soft now. She feels light, but also empty and lonely. 

The house is quiet, and her body fills with fear. She lets out a breath when she sees him on the sofa. He is bent over a little bundle of blankets. She walks around the side in their cabin on tiptoes, careful to not disturb the scene.

Their daughter is quiet, asleep in the bundle of blankets. Cas is always worried she’s too cold, worried she’s hungry, worried her sleeping pattern isn’t right. “Hey,” she whispers. He looks up from the perfect being they created and smiles.

“Deanna, go back to bed,” he says quietly. “You want some food? I’ll bring it up to you.”

She shakes her head and sits down on the couch beside him. “How is she?”

“Sleepy. How are you?”

“Sleepy,” she tells him with a soft smile. “Happy,” she adds with a sigh.

“Are you feeling okay?” he cups her face softly, preparing to heal her.

“You don’t need to,” she says, quickly. “Not here,” she adds softly. Their daughter gurgles in her father’s arms, slowly waking up. “Has daddy wrapped you up like a burrito?”

“It can get chilly in here,” he defends himself. She strokes her daughter’s rosy cheeks and her heart fills with love seeing those familiar blue eyes look up at her. “We’re going to have to move soon, we’re too near the lake.”

“Let me hold her,” she says. She unwraps her daughter, revealing her impossibly tiny little blue onesie. She traces the cloud embroidery on her chest, feeling her little chest rise and fall. She lays her out on her legs, letting her daughters growing body wiggle around. She hears a knock on the door and Cas jumps up to get it.

“I think you should lie down,” he reminds her, before walking towards the door.

“I’m fine,” she scolds him. She hears Sam at their front door, asking how she is.

“Cas, you need to tell her,” he says. She scrunches up her nose, what does Cas need to tell her? Pregnancy brain had made her forget her own name, but she can’t think what Cas would need to tell her. Her heart drops, he was going to leave her. He had seen her sweaty, red face as she pushed out their child, had seen her stretch marks and leaking breasts, he was going to leave them. He didn’t want to be a father, and he was going to leave them all alone.

“She is happy,” he tells Sam. Maybe she had spent too much time obsessed with her miracle baby, a child she thought she would never be able to have. Maybe he thought she’d be happier without him.

“Let me in, let me talk to her,” he begs with Cas. She looks around, trying not to disturb her daughter. Cas is blocking the front door, his broad body stopping her brother from entering their cabin.

“I can’t let you do that, Sam,” he forcefully says.

“It isn’t real!”

“It is for us!” Cas shouts. He looks around and then down, embarrassed at his little outburst. “This is our reality.”

“This is not healthy, Castiel.”

“It’s my fault. We should have had this life years ago. I should have given her this life years ago,” he says, he thinks she can’t hear him.

“It’s okay, Daddy didn’t mean to shout,” she coos to her daughter.

“I couldn’t give her the life she wants, the life she deserves but now I can.”

“This is crazy!” he shouts. She carefully scoops her daughter up into her and kisses her head, letting her know she would be safe no matter what.

“What’s the issue?” She says, getting up carefully from the sofa, her daughter tucked against her chest.

“Deanna!” Sam says. “Are you okay?”

“Never been better,” she says, her tone is sarcastic, but she means it. She had never been happier than she had throughout her pregnancy and first days of motherhood.

“This is our daughter, Stephanie,” Cas says. She could see hearts light up in his eyes when he looked at their daughter.

“Like Stevie Nicks?” Sam asks.

“Are you leaving me?” she asks Cas, ignoring her brother.

“Am I leaving you?” he replies, dumbfounded. “Why would I leave you?”

“Kind of your thing.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” he says. He leans in and kisses her forehead. He tucks a stray piece of hair behind her ear.

“Deanna,” Sam repeats. Cas turns around and shoots him daggers.

“You want to meet your niece?”

“She’s not my niece,” he snaps. “She isn’t real.”

“Sh-she-I’m-” she stutters.

“You’re dead, I’m dead, we are all dead.”

“I know,” Cas wants to take Stephanie out of her arms, but she won’t let her go, “I know I died on a rebar, I know Mom, Dad, Ellen, Jo, Bobby, they are all dead. Cas is the most alive out of us all.”

“She isn’t real. She never lived, she never existed. Your daughter is a fantasy, an unhealthy fantasy.”

“Get out,” she says, her voice low and threatening.

“Deanna, I care about you. This isn’t normal.”

“When have we ever been normal?”

“It isn’t healthy,” he nearly whispers, “You’re living in a fantasy world.”

“And you’re not. You have the face of a 35-year-old, you go to dinner with our dead parents once a week, we drink at a bar that was destroyed over a decade again.”

“I’m just worried,”

“That I’m happy? That for once in my life I actually did something for me, instead of for you, or for a case, or to try to stop the world ending!”

“Your baby, your pregnancy, this whole world is fake.”

“Get out,” she says, a little louder than before. “Go now.”

“Deanna,” he sighs.

“I think Stevie needs a feed; I’ll be in her room.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Then go,” she says, before turning away.

“She’s right, I think you should go,” Cas says.

“Cas, you can’t-”

“You got to live a full life, have a wife, have children, grow old. She died needlessly young, just as she was about to start her life, she never got the chance to be a mother, to be normal.”

“Not like this. Not by creating a whole fantasy world in heaven.”

“Jack and I worked hard to give you both this type of heaven, she deserves to be happy. If you can’t support it, then I think you should go.”

“Don’t do this.” 

“As a father and a partner, two things I never thought I’d be, I have a responsibility to keep them safe.”

Deanna smiles to herself as she slowly ascends the stairs. “Your daddy is one of the good ones,” she says to her sleeping daughter.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are welcome. I think this story was me trying to process the finale and generally my whole year.


End file.
